Testimonial from a mother of a child affected by Child Sexual Abuse:
ISVA and counselling support
In early January 2018 my then 10-year-old daughter disclosed to me that her paternal grandfather was sexually abusing her and had been for a number of years. As you can imagine my world fell apart and it would take two and half years before the case finally got to court and he was convicted.
The police referred our family to CARA, quite soon after the disclosure, not only for counselling but so we could take advantage of their ‘Independent Sexual Violence Adviser (ISVA) service.
In the early stages our ISVA would visit me every week or every two weeks and would provide me with the emotional and practical l support I needed. It took quite a while before I confided in friends what had happened and my family live 300 miles away. My husband had his own demons as it was his father that had committed the abuse and he dealt with it as many men do by burying his emotions deep. I had the added burden of protecting him from more hurt as I decided to withhold some of what I knew about the abuse and what had occurred. I can quite honestly say that I would not have made it through those 2 and a half years if it wasn’t for my ISVA.
My ISVA was my sounding board, my shoulder to lean on, my insider into the world of police investigations, court procedures – and everything you are thrown into when something like this occurs. She referred me and my daughter into CARA’s specialist counselling service, checked where we were on the waiting list and kept us updated. She got me got me through it.
As time went on our ISVA’s visits became less frequent – once a month, every other month - but she was always at the end of the phone. She would chase up the investigating officers if I hadn't had a reply about something, she even on one of the few occasions my husband was present at one of our meetings, convinced him to allow her to refer him into CARA’s specialist counselling service. And shared my joy in the break though when he accepted this support!
Our ISVA shared our frustration with how long the investigation was taking, she knew how we felt. When finally, we got a court date she arranged for all of us to visit the court, to have a look around, arranged for parking and for us to enter through the back way. She was going to be by my daughters' side while she gave evidence. My daughter wasn’t convinced she wanted to give evidence via a video link and was quite determined to face her grandfather in court. Our ISVA spent time with her discussing the pros and cons and suggested another visit to the court and a chat with the prosecution lawyer.
It never came to that as my husband's father eventually pleaded guilty a few weeks before the court case was due. My daughter still wanted her say in court, so our ISVA spent time with her thinking about and helping her verbalise the impact the abuse had on her so she could write a victim impact statement. And she was there with us at sentencing sharing our pride as my daughter read out her statement in court and our relief it was finally over.
Her support didn’t end there as an ISVA she knew that it wasn't the end after sentencing, we heard things about the abuse that were new to both of us, lots of emotions were brought to the surface again. She called that night to see how we were, we met up again and have chatted on the phone since.
Our ISVA has since said that it was her job to get me through it and make sure I was ok, both my daughter and husband dealt with it in their own way but I was the backbone of the family and by making sure I was ok she knew they would be too.
CARA as a charity is amazing, the services they provide from very specialised counselling to their ISVA’s are just unbelievable – they helped us get through and survive one of the worst times in our lives and I know that should we and especially my daughter, need them in the future they will be there for us again.
Testimonial from an adult survivor of child sexual abuse:
Specialist sexual violence counselling
My name is Tammy and I'm 46 and I have had CARA counselling twice with both being extende. My counsellor has been my lifeline and the only person I have ever fully trusted to tell all. She made a safe space for me to go into and the professional relationship I have had with her will be something that I will hold dear for the rest of my time.
What has happened has been life changing, and something that has honestly saved my life. I was blessed to click with my counsellor straight away and I'm so glad it happened that way.
I have suffered sexual abuse and other abuse through childhood and adult life too. I was neglected as a child and ended up in the care system and was failed by so many adults that should have protected me.
For years I have fought daily with what at the time was undiagnosed complex PTSD and what CARA has given to me is a priceless treasure of acceptance. An ability to understand myself and how what has happened has affected me at a core level. I have gone from strength-to-strength learning to understand my own core values and what I had locked inside. I faced demons that have haunted me and freed myself from the grip they held and now have a whip to keep them at bay.
I stand taller, I think deeper and I breathe easier. I feel safer inside myself and found a peace that I have never had. I still battle and I know I always will but all of you at CARA have given me a sword and shield to use in that battle.
Testimonial from young survivor of child sexual abuse:
Specialist sexual violence counselling for Young People
It's made a massive difference - I never get to talk about my past and my trauma so to have someone to listen is huge. I am learning I am important in my own life and that the things others have done to me are not OK. I don't just have to accept what has happened to me as being my fault, I have been a victim and I deserve better.
