THE LULLABY

There is something that controls me

It drains my very soul

Never to let me rest

Or allow me to feel whole

It takes over every time

Twisting my childish mind

Lying there in waiting

Until I meet someone kind

It will not just let me be

And enjoy my sacred time

It whispers in my ear

And chants it’s eerie rhyme

“Are you sure they really like you

You know you get things wrong

Listen to me, you won’t get hurt

If you hear my little song “

“Listen to me

Cos I am the one who will never let you down

I’m the one that’s with you

When there’s no one else around”

“They will treat you nice and kindly

And play their part so well

But they are just pretending

I know I can tell”

So I try to carry on

Ignore my trusted friend

Wanting kindness more

Than him, who I depend

But then I hear the voice

Much more sinister this time

He whispers in my ear

A slightly different rhyme

“ listen to me carefully

They,ll reject you, that’s for sure

Forget it all, the hug, the kiss

It will leave you wanting more”

“Or make the most of it my dear

Drain their very soul

Listen to my voice

It helps you keep control”

“Drain them of affection

Take whatever you need

Cos you an I are one my dear

We survive on all this greed”

“You are an emotional vampire

Don’t give them the chance to be

Your special friend, your loved one

Cos I’m your friend you see “

So I fill my cup

Til it reaches overflowing

Feeding hungry minds

To help us both keep growing

Then I toss them to one side

Before they do it to me

And sigh with great relief

As he is pleased you see

But now I feel alone

More than I did before

Because he has taken what I had

So now I’m wanting more

In the distance I hear his voice

“Soon you will hear my rhyme

Cos I am your little lullaby

Til the end of time”

When he comes again

I feel how much he has grown

Because I always feed him

It’s all I’ve ever known

Honor Hope

PASSAGE OF TIME

Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock, tick
The metronome ticks the minutes away
Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock, tick
It regularly beats without a delay

She hears it, hears it, hears it now
All the way from childhood days
No choice for her but fear and pain
To come and go from the evil place

Come day, come week, come every month
Nothing ever changed
Come birthdays, Christmas, year-on-year
Becoming more deranged

She trod on the cracks along the road
She’ll be punished for that, to be sure
Nearer and nearer and nearer she’d get
Ring the bell right by the door

Waiting, waiting, waiting for time
Knowing she’s headed downstairs
Panic, fear and desperation
He’ll be seated on one of the chairs

She’s greeted by the metronome
Knowing what’s in store
She’s swallowing down the terror
And tightly clenching her jaw

She’s beckoned within, the time has come
The door bangs behind her – it’s shut
The bolt is shot, and she’s trapped inside
As she’s made to be the slut

Come, come, come, sit on my knee
Just you do as you’re told
Her heartbeat faster and faster
She’s only eight years old

He forced her on the chaise de longue
At the edge of the room, by the wall
He pushed and shoved himself on her
And he made her swallow it all

Don’t tell, don’t tell, don’t tell a soul
They’ll be trouble if you do
So she silenced herself right there and then
Knowing this was taboo

After years passed, the news got out
Not from her but another source
Someone else told their story
He denied it all, of course

The police were called immediately
Spoke to her Mum and her Dad
She was frozen to the core
Because she’d been told she was bad

She didn’t want to cause any trouble
In silence, she tucked it inside
The grown-ups shrugged their shoulders
While she crept up to her room and died.

Jacqui

HANDS OFF

Today, the sky is black as coal
My mind has crawled into a hole
He took away my heart and soul
Please lock him up with no parole

I was eight and very shy
And was it any wonder why
I’d never scream; I’d never cry
When after, in your bed, I’d lie

I didn’t want to play his game
He told me that I was to blame
He left me with a sense of shame
I’d like to tell the world your name

What he did was so taboo
The foot was in the other shoe
Thought you’d get away, did you?
Karma will tell false from true

This isn’t who I want to be
He stole my innocence; can you see
I couldn’t run; I couldn’t flee
Just get your filthy hands off me

Jacqui

Anonymous

I am a victim of rape

A term I cannot escape

I am bound by my dark past

Like a black storm overcast

My body was no longer mine

You stole, and crossed the red line

Impetuously subjecting

Abuse, without respecting

Merely a puppet in your hands

At mercy of your commands

The word 'no' did not exist

No matter how much I would resist

My body was your pleasure

Your stolen golden treasure

You played doctor in disguise

New 'treatments' you would devise

Merely a specimen for play

Cruel experiments each day

Inflicting hell, I learnt what to dread

Sadism. Rearing its ugly head

You relished in causing me pain

Revelled in each stroke I would sustain

Told me 'it's all for your good'

Left me lost and misunderstood

No need to threaten with a gun

Your enticing words had the job done

Soft silky manipulation

An illusion of loving protection

You're a sly beady-eyed snake

Cautious, making no mistake

Moving slowly and methodically

I was blinded to the reality

Distraught, unable to comprehend

Friend or foe? Do I comply or defend?

Are your actions tender and caring?

Or selfish and demeaning?

Why did I not stand up and go

I wouldn't have been dealt a blow

I was not pinned down physically

But was chained emotionally

There came a vile point in time

That I thrived on it as downtime

I no longer needed to be cajoled

A willing participant out cold

Even through romantic actions

I wonder, what were your intentions

Gut feeling, not about me - purely selfish

Self centred, your actions were hellish

Rape as a concept is perturbing

It is abuse, simultaneously pleasing

You distorted facts until I was demented

Coaxing me to think i consented

What does it mean to consent

Deep black down, what was your intent

Your true desire was obscure

Confused. What did i really endure

You violated me to the core

Monstrous criminal breaking law

Leaving body hate and shame

Crushed dignity and self-blame

Intertwined with burning anger and rage

Deep humiliation that won't age

Dark feelings of extreme betrayal

Despondency, self-hate and Turmoil

Anonymous

The Fire that Feeds my Soul

I was the captive flame, trapped in a tiny ball of smoke induced haze,

Too stunned to be aware,

Floating through space in the darkest of night,

Re-emerging in the shadow of day.

Who watched over the silent danger?

Was it when I clasped my hands together or uncoiled my body for the last time?

That first moment,

Breaking of solitude,

A new mind,

An indestructible force carrying the fire that feeds my soul.

The passion -

To climb

To breathe

To survive

To smile

To be present in the world interlocking the power burning so brightly within.

To be awake

To be awoken

Aware of the changes,

The force that drives us to live, love and thrive,

Granting opportunities to forge a new purpose in our being.

Unfolding each layer is central in breaking down barriers,

Unspeakable walls built as a fortress for protection,

My weakness is not defined by the suffocation of freedom that immobilised my voice

But my strength,

To share vulnerability of my scars, the cracks, to re-balance the world and broaden the possibility of creating a beautiful understanding of ourselves.

© Written by Elizabeth Shane

For All Those Times

For all those times
You stripped away my layers
Made me taste forbidden fruit
Forced my hands to do your work
Penetrated beyond boundaries
Hands snaked around my neck ready to silence the sound