Josie invites us to be kind and look after ourselves
As Christmas ends and the New Year begins, it is normally a time for us to think about how we can improve ourselves and change those parts of ourselves that we are not keen on. I know that I go into the new year full of resolutions to exercise more and take up new hobbies, with the view that they will make me feel better, but at what point do these “must dos” become a stick to beat ourselves with? Therefore, this month I want to highlight the importance of genuine self-care.
I am a big fan of Gabor Mates approach of “Compassionate Inquiry” and although I am not advocating that we all go into therapy right now, I do think we can take some key points and use them to reflect upon how we speak to ourselves. Compassionate Inquiry is a therapeutic approach developed by Dr Mate that looks at the unconscious dynamics that drives behaviour and helps to free the individual from them:
“The purpose of Compassionate Inquiry is to drill down to the core stories people tell themselves – to get them to see what story they are telling themselves unconsciously; what those beliefs are, where they came from; and guide them to the possibility of letting go of those stories, or letting go of the hold those stories have on them” Dr Gabe Mate.
The key message he puts across is to have compassion for ourselves, to understand why we might behave as we do and to not tell ourselves off for doing it. He asks; how can we help ourselves if we are busy telling ourselves off? Is your self-care driven by those unconscious beliefs you have about yourself and are you using it as a cover to correct those parts of yourself that you don’t like? Self-care should be exactly that, a way to care for yourself. Therefore, I invite you this month to think about what it is that will make you feel good and put aside that list of ways to improve yourself, you are good enough as you are! The nights are long and cold, and the next holiday seems a million moons away, so it is the best time to genuinely look after ourselves. If you do not lose that weight or become a champion crocheter – that is ok, be compassionate towards yourself!
