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I always mention to my clients that emotions are like guests: they come, we welcome them in and eventually they will go. Some emotions can be like unexpected guests, other can overstay their welcome; but they also would eventually go away.
Sometimes it can be hard to remember all this when we are in company of difficult emotions. So, today’s tip is about how to try and manage those emotions, so we feel that we are in control instead of overwhelmed.
Welcome the guest.
When you fight with difficult emotions, hoping to make them “go away”, stress chemicals get released in the body, that decrease our capacity to cope with them. Instead, let's try something that is proven to soothe your nervous system when hard feelings arise.
Place your hand on your heart, your belly, or whatever the emotion is showing up in your body. You can rhythmically tap or rub this area for a more regulating effect.
(you can write these steps down for when you need them)
Acknowledge the emotion:
“I am feeling ________” (anxious, sad, angry, etc.).
Naming the feeling or emotion won’t make it more real or painful; the emotion is already real, giving it a name could be perceived as a relief as you will be more in control.
Normalise it:
“This is painful and scary, but it makes sense why I would feel this way”.
Simply normalise the emotions by saying: Maybe I have got good reasons to feel this way, try and not linger in the thoughts or reasons for why, but just acknowledge yourself in this moment.
Explore purpose:
“Thank you ______ (emotion) for trying to keep me safe, protected, motivated, etc.”
Each difficult emotion comes as our nervous system activates the defence responses, therefore, acknowledging this can help us regulate the response.
Welcome the guest:
“I know you won’t stay forever, ______ (sadness, anger, etc.), but I will take care of you for as long as you need to stay.”
Notice what happens when you observe emotions as a response to something rather than as a threat itself. Maybe try and notice your own body responses when you hold emotions welcomed and safe in your own body.
Finding self-regulation after dealing with difficult emotions:
After the guest has gone, or when we notice them shifting away, we would need to find some grounding again.
The “Voo breathing” is a technique I have used myself to self-regulate. This breathing activates the Vagus nerve from the throat all the way to the gut, supporting the Nervous System in recuperating from extreme stress.
Take a deep slow breath in, expanding your belly, and on the exhale, sound the word “Voo” using a deep foghorn sound from the back of your throat. Let the world extend until you have used all the breath in your body and then begin again. With practise you will feel the vibration of the sound in your stomach. Try and repeat 5 to 10 times and notice how you feel once you complete it
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