Anita talks about setting healthy boundaries
This self-care tip is all about setting boundaries. Setting healthy boundaries always has the potential to change many aspects of your life for the better.
If you are a people pleaser, perhaps you might find you have moments where you feel let down or overlooked? Not setting boundaries can often invite a lack of respect and can cause you to feel resentful. Maybe you have that friend who you’ve said yes to a few times and now they expect it of you?
Saying no often has a negative connotation and yet it has so many positive benefits. Remember that when you say no to something, you are actually saying yes to something else! If I say no to doing my friend’s housework (again), then I am in real terms saying yes to spending time baking that cake I’ve always wanted to do. Or, if I say no to cooking the dinner every single night of the week, I am saying yes to having that manicure I’ve promised myself.
Saying no takes practice and will feel awkward if it’s something you are not familiar with. Start by being mindful of how you feel at the thought of saying no to a request of you. Be curious at the sensations you have in your body and the worries you may have going through your mind. Perhaps you have a churned- up stomach, or maybe you are concerned about possible conflict with the other person. Whatever it is, just be aware of those thoughts and feelings. Consider if you really do want to do what is being asked of you. I am not suggesting you say no to everything; this would be harsh and unrealistic but it is smart to think about whether you really want to do something rather than automatically saying yes.
Remember, there are plenty of nice ways to say no.
Honesty – explain you are sorry but that you have other commitments.
Alternative – make plans to get together at some point in the future.
Time – ask for the opportunity to think about it.
Remember that by doing everything for people means you never allow them the opportunity of taking responsibility and learning for themselves.
